Tips on managing kids’ activities

From parents who have been there—or are there right now.

•  “When choosing among activities, we look for those lifetime activities that people continue to be involved in after they’re done with their schooling—cross country running over lacrosse, for example.”   —Denise, mother of three

•  “We will not miss Mass for a game or practice. If there is a game Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning, one will have to be missed. We might not be able to go to Mass as a whole family; some of us will go Saturday and some on Sunday, but with some flexibility, Mass is not skipped.”  —Carol, mother of four

•  “Learning to find the lesson in the various activities they do takes time, but usually you can break down things into how we should treat people and how God wants us to behave.” —Scott, father of two

—by Annemarie Scobey, from the pages of At Home with Our Faith, Claretian Publications’ print newsletter for parents on nurturing spirituality in the home. Winner of the 2013 Best in Class award from the Associated Church Press, as well as a First Place General Excellence award from the Catholic Press Association for the past three years running. Here’s a sample issue.

We offer very low rates for parish use, as well as our free Moms’ Night Out monthly discussion guides.

And don’t miss our popular single-page parish handouts on handing on the faith, helping kids understand the Mass, Lent, and Advent.

New! Like us on Facebook and follow Homefaith on Twitter.

How do you hand on the faith to your children? Send us your stories.

At Home with Our Faith, Claretian Publications’ award-winning newsletter for parents, is seeking your stories and examples of how you are handing on a living faith to your children. Feel free to answer any or all of the questions below. Please identify yourself by first name and tell us how many children you have.

If your answer is used in At Home with Our Faith, you’ll be identified only by first name and number of children. Thanks for sharing what has worked for you in passing on the faith!

1. What is the area of your faith life that you feel you are best equipped to teach or pass on to your child? (Examples: praying, concern for the poor, regular church attendance, belief in the sacraments, forgiveness, helping neighbors, living a moral life–anything in your life that you connect with your faith.)

2. Give an example of a moment that you felt that you taught something important to your child about an aspect of faith (and this includes moral life, how God is present in both good and bad situations, trust in God).

3. Give an example of a parent you know who has taught something important about an aspect of faith to his or her child.

Many thanks!

 

 

Balancing act, part two

See children’s talents as gifts from God. Denise and Arthur, parents of three children ages 4 to 11, keep guidelines in mind as they choose activities for their kids. “The younger the child, the more time with us. The older the child, the more time with others and making decisions on how to balance time,” Denise says. “If we miss signing them up for something for which they have a real talent, we are not going to stress over this. We believe God is generous and gives us more talents and gifts than we can ever really use.”

Parents who feel they may never say no to their children’s desire to join one more sport or activity are at risk for a frenetic family life that damages parents and children alike. The responsibility of parenting a gifted artist or athlete includes helping the child develop a sense of stewardship regarding his or her gift.

John and Anne, parents of four, take this approach. “We value making choices, and weighing value. We try to discern what God’s will is for our time and talent—who is served by what we do,” says Anne.

Listening to kids—and teaching them to listen to themselves. Parents of middle-schoolers and teens need to begin to nudge their children toward their own decision-making but also keep an eye on the child’s physical, emotional, and mental health.

“What has kept our daughters in certain activities and out of others has been their desire, enjoyment, and level of skill and interest,” says Pam, mother of two. “We have watched as friends have chosen a state cup soccer game over a graduation, and we have not agreed with those choices. I think parents get so caught up that their child gets to a high-level team that they accept Sunday morning games, tremendous expenses, and family stress to maintain that status. Our place of peace has come from asking, ‘At what price?’ ”

Maria, mother of two teens, says, “When my kids have approached me with ideas, I try to listen to them and ascertain what’s in it for them before I clobber it with any of my preconceived notions, anxieties, or hesitations. I love watching my kids become who they want to be without me putting a handprint on it.“   (Here’s part one of this article.)

—by Annemarie Scobey, from the pages of At Home with Our Faith, Claretian Publications’ print newsletter for parents on nurturing spirituality in the home. Winner of the 2013 Best in Class award from the Associated Church Press, as well as a First Place General Excellence award from the Catholic Press Association for the past three years running. Here’s a sample issue.

We offer very low rates for parish use, as well as our free Moms’ Night Out monthly discussion guides.

And don’t miss our popular single-page parish handouts on handing on the faith, helping kids understand the Mass, Lent, and Advent.

New! Like us on Facebook and follow Homefaith on Twitter.

Balancing act

The Easter season is upon us, and amid the fashionable pastels comes another hallmark of spring—practices, games, and rehearsals. Baseball, track, and soccer seasons overlap with spring musicals and concerts. Add in a first communion, confirmation, and graduation, and you’re likely to have at least one day where your daughter is changing out of her frilly dress in the church bathroom and scrambling into her cleats and uniform.

Some parents embrace the many opportunities their children have, feeling there is little downside. Other parents approach their kids’ activity level more cautiously, wary of injuries and burnout that can happen when kids do too much too soon. Most parents are looking for that sweet spot of balance—finding the activities that engage their children without sacrificing the pleasure of having unstructured time as a family.

Choose life

I start every grocery list by scribbling: Milk. Bread. Eggs (cage free only, says the vegetarian daughter). Life.

That last item? I bought six boxes of it last week, on sale. Though the boxes have gotten smaller lately, a bit worrisome, six of them still ought to carry us through a few weeks.

“I came,” says Jesus, “that they might have life, and have it more abundantly.”

Life, the cereal, has exercised a magnetic hold on my daughter for more than a decade now. Her dogged loyalty alone should qualify her to star in a commercial. Nothing—not even hot oatmeal—can lure her away for long.

Looking down at one’s list in the grocery aisle each week to see “Life” scrawled there has a definite salutary effect. As I scour food labels for lurking sodium content, for the iniquitous Trans Fat and his nearly-as-nefarious henchman Saturated Fat, Life reminds me that none of this food-policing will extend my life indefinitely. Saints Francis and Jerome were sometimes portrayed holding a skull to point out the nearness of death, but as for me, I’m going out to buy Life in the grocery store.

When parents get a “do-over”

When I was in grade school, playing kickball at recess, every so often a player would yell “do-over!” after messing up, and get to try the kick again. You would yell this only in specific instances, such as if you stumbled on your approach and the resulting kick was extremely weak.

Yelling “do-over” for a strong kick that had been caught for an out was quickly dismissed as unworthy. Do-overs were for mistakes and missteps that were uncharacteristic of the kicker’s normal ability.

My husband and I just took a parenting do-over.

Calling all feet

I won’t forget the first time the whole churchful of us washed one another’s feet at Our Lady of Mercy Church on Holy Thursday. Some sat cemented to the pews, determined that no one have a chance to snicker at their bunions, their ugly toenails. Others took off shoes and socks and walked haltingly, bare toes on marble, up the aisles, to where someone washed their feet and they, in turn, washed the feet of the person behind them. The choir began to sing.

A white-haired man knelt and took my 7-year-old daughter’s foot in his huge hands. Singing to her all the while, he poured water over her foot and tenderly dried it. “En la arena he dejado mi barca,” he sang, looking her in the eye, smiling, “junto a Ti buscaré otro mar.” (“All I longed for, I have found by the water. At your side, I will seek other shores.”) I pondered stealing the foot towel to dry my tears.

Try for a Lenten moment

If you’re feeling discouraged because your effort to give up chocolate was thwarted by the coworker who brought the birthday cake to work, don’t lose heart. Lent is not a pass/fail class. Rather, it is a journey of becoming closer to God through prayer, sacrifice, and generosity. Seeing Lent only as a 40-day block can prevent us from taking advantage of Lenten moments—opportunities that arise each day for us to deepen our relationship with God. Here are a few:

• Prayer. Between now and Easter, look for five minutes alone with your spouse. Face each other, hold hands, and ask your spouse what he or she is most worried about. Then together pray an Our Father, slowly, for that worry. Then do the same for your worry, followed by a prayer of gratitude from each of you.

• Generosity. Almsgiving is the traditional way to be generous during Lent, but generosity can be practiced in small moments throughout the day—flowers for a teacher, a plate of cookies for an elderly neighbor, a thank-you note to a priest who inspired you with a recent homily.

• Sacrifice. The strong among us are able to sustain a 40-day fast from sweets, chips, or alcohol during Lent, but the rest of us need to start small with our sacrifice. Try a focused, one- to three-day fast from something you truly enjoy, but for a purpose. Give up your afternoon Diet Coke for three days straight and pray for your oldest child. Skip sweets for a day and make a point to learn more about those areas of the world affected by hunger.

—by Annemarie Scobey, from the pages of At Home with Our Faith, Claretian Publications’ print newsletter for parents on nurturing spirituality in the home. Winner of the 2012 Best in Class award from the Associated Church Press, as well as a First Place General Excellence award from the Catholic Press Association for the past three years running. Here’s a sample issue.

We offer very low rates for parish use, as well as our free Moms’ Night Out monthly discussion guides.

And don’t miss our popular single-page parish handouts on handing on the faith, helping kids understand the Mass, Lent, and Advent.

New! Like us on Facebook and follow Homefaith on Twitter.

 

No stereotypes need apply

The kids in the Catholic seventh grade classroom—Hispanics, Filipinos, African Americans, and my own Irish American offspring—took on a project to highlight three aspects of their cultural heritage. As the teacher listened to the kids brainstorming, he turned to my child and said, “Three cultural traits of the Irish? That’s easy: drinking, drinking, and more drinking.”

The next day we met with the principal, who turned pale as she listened. The teacher apologized to my husband and me. There were no fisticuffs.

Because we had known our kids would encounter this stereotype, years earlier my husband and I had planned and executed a preemptive strike. We cast about for a way to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day that leaned on the faith, stories, and music of Ireland rather than on the “Irish as carefree alcoholic” caricature—especially offensive because of the destruction and grief that real alcoholism cuts through many Irish families, including ours.

We decided to host a party for our extended family and some friends, asking everyone to bring a song, a poem, a story, a dance from their own culture or another’s. We laid out the good tablecloth, said grace, served dinner. Then we dragged chairs into the living room, and waited.

Pope Benedict XVI: Keeping an eye on the kids

It tickled me that Pope Benedict’s resignation brought the 85-year-old pontiff onto the radar screen of even teenage girls.

Text from daughter: I heard that the pope resigned!!!

Text back from mom: I heard that. I wonder if he is the first to resign?

Text back from daughter: Clare says the first in 600 years!!

The pope does not normally loom large in the lives of adolescents (nor, perhaps, their parents, unless we make an effort to read about him). But Benedict XVI, octogenarian scholar that he was, often spoke movingly of the challenges facing our children and young people today. He understood their spiritual hunger.