1. Use encouragement more than praise. Parents who use encouragement to help children develop a greater internal focus contribute to the development of a strong, healthy self-esteem, according to Bill Corbett, author of Love, Limits, and Lessons: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Cooperative Kids (Cooperative Kids). Corbett defines encouragement as the action an adult takes to guide children to look inside themselves for an answer. He says it is encouragement—rather than praise—that “sharpens one’s ability to hear a true, inner voice, something we sometimes call intuition. For those of faith, it’s also considered the true voice of God.”

2. Put relationships before rules. While establishing limits and rules is an important part of parenting, rewards and punishments are not primary motivators for children—relationships are. In Parenting Your Teens with TLC (Sorin) authors Patt and Steve Saso put it this way: “When kids feel that we genuinely care about them, it prompts them to learn. This relationship is the driving motivation for our teens to want to follow our guidance, accept direction, and strive to be their best selves.”

3. Look for God’s plan. Poetic, congratulatory cards at a child’s birth or baptism remind parents that their child is a gift from God and that God has a special task for that child. As the child grows, though, no one is sending cards reminding you that your 9-year-old’s stubbornness is a gift he will need someday to do what God will ask of him. Parents who consistently work to see God’s handiwork in their children’s personality and talents are better able to guide their children effectively.

—by Annemarie Scobey  from the pages of At Home with Our Faith, Claretian Publications’ print newsletter for parents on nurturing spirituality in the home. Winner of the 2010 and 2011 General Excellence award from the Catholic Press Association. Here’s a sample issue.

We offer very low rates for parish use, as well as our free Moms’ Night Out monthly discussion guides.

And don’t miss our popular single-page parish handouts on handing on the faith, helping kids understand the Mass, Lent, and Advent.

Follow Homefaith on Twitter.

Overly dramatic, I thought at the time. Surely Stone is exaggerating. While I didn’t doubt that having a child would change my life, a heart walking around outside of my body was a ridiculous idea. My child would have his identity, I would have mine, and while I would certainly care and be concerned about what happened to him, there was no way I would feel like my own heart was walking around.

Then I had Jacob. And within a day of his birth, I understood that Stone was not being overly dramatic or sentimental. She was simply stating a fact. The investment of parenthood is so intense and intimate that the line between where a child ends and where the parent begins becomes blurred.

And it wasn’t until I became a parent myself that I was able to unpack the metaphor of God as Father. If my heart was walking around outside of my body because of my love for Jacob, did God have that same feeling about me? About all people on earth? The idea that God cared as much what happened to his human family as I did about Jacob was staggering.

So how did God do it? Six billion hearts walking around? The obvious answer—God loved us so much, he set us free. Looking at baby Jacob, I wondered if I could ever let him grow and make his own mistakes, or would I need to swoop in and make everything right? Tiny, vulnerable, newborn Jacob: I wanted nothing more than to protect him from all harm.

Now, with teenage Jacob and three other younger children, I still want nothing more than to protect them from harm. But I’ve been a parent long enough to realize that both my children and I benefit when I recognize and claim that spot where I end and they begin, blurry as it may be. When I look at successful parents who have moved out of the beginning stage of parenting—moms and dads with teens or college-aged kids—what I see is balance between a heart-outside-my-body love of their child and a deep respect for that child as an individual with gifts, talents, and responsibilities separate from the parent.

These parents have learned to acknowledge their child’s struggles and problems without being consumed by them. They offer support while recognizing that it’s not up to them to be the problem solver each time, that even the heart outside the body needs to make its own way.     …continued next week

—by Annemarie Scobey  from the pages of At Home with Our Faith, Claretian Publications’ print newsletter for parents on nurturing spirituality in the home. Winner of the 2010 and 2011 General Excellence award from the Catholic Press Association. Here’s a sample issue.

We offer very low rates for parish use, as well as our free Moms’ Night Out monthly discussion guides.

And don’t miss our popular single-page parish handouts on handing on the faith, helping kids understand the Mass, Lent, and Advent.

Follow Homefaith on Twitter.

Keep the handheld in your hands. Decide what level of use seems reasonable—perhaps three times a week for a half hour at a time—and have your child ask to use the device. Keep a record on the fridge of when he plays; when he uses up his time, he has to wait until the next week.

Tame the texting. Perhaps your cell phone gift has confirmed why you were reluctant to buy one for your daughter. The average teen sends more than 3,000 texts per month—about six per hour. While a good communication tool, texting can also interfere with your teen having time alone, concentrating on homework, or being present to the people she is with at the time. Discuss with your teen what place she wants texting to play in her life and what your concerns are, and then develop a plan to have phone-free times of the day.

Get filters and check the history. While you may believe you can trust your son not to go to inappropriate sites on his iPhone or laptop, installing strong filters will protect him in a moment of weakness or from a buddy who wants to show him a porn site when they’re in a hotspot after school.

—by Annemarie Scobey  from the pages of At Home with Our Faith, Claretian Publications’ print newsletter for parents on nurturing spirituality in the home. Winner of the 2010 and 2011 General Excellence award from the Catholic Press Association. Here’s a sample issue.

We offer very low rates for parish use, as well as our free Moms’ Night Out monthly discussion guides.

And don’t miss our popular single-page parish handouts on handing on the faith, helping kids understand the Mass, Lent, and Advent.

Follow Homefaith on Twitter.

Peace in the marriage:

Peace in the family: “Pockets of peace” are most likely to occur when everyone in the family is present to the same event. Arguments are most likely to break out during times of transition—as some members of a family move from one activity to another. Building more small events into family life is one way of making room for peace. “We recently had a fire together on a Friday night,” says Anne, mother of three. “Everyone just enjoyed roasting marshmallows and talking outside. It was so simple—and everyone was so happy—as I was sitting there I wondered why we didn’t do more of this.”

—by Annemarie Scobey  from the pages of At Home with Our Faith, Claretian Publications’ print newsletter for parents on nurturing spirituality in the home. Winner of the 2010 and 2011 General Excellence award from the Catholic Press Association. Here’s a sample issue.

We offer very low rates for parish use, as well as our free Moms’ Night Out monthly discussion guides.

And don’t miss our popular single-page parish handouts on handing on the faith, helping kids understand the Mass, Lent, and Advent.

Follow Homefaith on Twitter.

“Once they get up, my life is crazy,” she says. “Taking the time in the quiet, before that first kid wakes up, gives me the peace I need to start the day.”

For parents, peace can be elusive. New parents struggle to have a thought or sleep for more than three hours without a baby interrupting. Parents with toddlers and preschool-age children can feel life has become a test of wills—from putting on shoes to getting in the car, suddenly nothing is easy anymore.

School conflicts snake their way into family life, and a once-close husband and wife can find that the sheer speed of life with children and teens can reduce their once-thoughtful conversations to barked instructions.

Yet amid the noise and the chaos, most families enjoy pockets of peace—those times when everything aligns—and we glimpse the family we’d like to be all the time. Upon receiving the Nobel Peace Prize in 1979, Mother Teresa of Calcutta was asked, “What can we do to promote world peace?” She answered, “Go home and love your family.”

If family peace can bring about peace on earth, as Mother Teresa says, we better figure out how to get there.

Peace within the parent: As my friend Beth intuitively understands, we cannot lead our children toward peace if we ourselves are feeling unsettled. When family life starts leaning towards the decidedly un-peaceful, our first instinct may be to look toward the child who seems to be causing the most problems—the 7-year-old who is incessantly tattling; the sulking teen.

Yet if we first check for peace in our own heart, we may find that fear, stress, or anger have taken up residence there instead. Peaceful parents can better build a peaceful household. “I find that just lighting a candle on the kitchen counter and praying for a few minutes in the morning sets a completely different tone for my day than when I don’t make time for it,” says Carol, a mother of four.          …continued next week

—by Annemarie Scobey  from the pages of At Home with Our Faith, Claretian Publications’ print newsletter for parents on nurturing spirituality in the home. Winner of the 2010 and 2011 General Excellence award from the Catholic Press Association. Here’s a sample issue.

We offer very low rates for parish use, as well as our free Moms’ Night Out monthly discussion guides.

And don’t miss our popular single-page parish handouts on handing on the faith, helping kids understand the Mass, Lent, and Advent.

Follow Homefaith on Twitter.

My family would spend most of Advent getting ready. We’d shop for a tree, pull decorations down out of the attic, stock up on wrapping paper, and make lists for Santa. Most years the grownups would gather for a Christmas Eve party, and we kids would struggle to stay awake late into the night.

At the end of the evening, we’d bundle up against the cold and drive over to the church for Midnight Mass. Early the next morning my brothers and I would clatter down the stairs to the living room to tear into our presents. And then Christmas was over. For the next week or so, we played with our new toys and waited for school to begin again.

In the church calendar, however, Christmas does not end on Christmas Day. It is only the beginning. In an earlier time Christmas lasted for 12 days-a tradition from which we get the famous Christmas song.

The customs of the larger society have clearly shifted, and there is no way we are ever going to restore the ancient balance of having our Christmas merry-making take place during the 12 days after December 25. Still, there are many ways we can mark the Christmas season (the one that starts with Christmas), and deepen our Catholic identity. Here are 12 suggestions.

1. Wait for it.

In our grandparents’ day the Christmas tree wasn’t decorated until Christmas Eve. For most of us, it might not be practical to wait until then, no matter what our grandparents might have done. Still there are some things we can do to keep the traditional Christmas cycle.

Go ahead and put up the tree whenever you like, but save placing the star on top until the night of December 24. Plan to leave the tree up until the Christmas season ends on the feast of the Baptism of the Lord, usually the second Sunday in January.

Also consider waiting until December 24 to complete the crèche. Many Latino families put the crèche out early in Advent, but they leave the manger empty until after Midnight Mass. Whenever you put the crèche out, place the Magi statues a good distance from the manger. Each day of Christmas, until Epiphany, move the Wise Men a little closer to the crèche.

This might seem like a no-brainer, but I’ve heard more than a few families say they like going to the Christmas “Eve” 4 p.m. children’s liturgy to “get it out of the way” before Christmas.

If you are raising children, keep in mind you are creating lifelong memories for them. I still remember the smell of incense and the sounds of carols at the Midnight Masses I went to as a child. If midnight really is too late for you, at least consider worshiping on Christmas Day itself instead of the afternoon before so the children learn to place Jesus at the center of the season.

2. Pay it forward.

December 26 is the feast of St. Stephen, the church’s first martyr. He was also one of the first deacons, whose job it was to care for the poor.

A good way to celebrate St. Stephen’s Day is to follow his example. Spend 20 minutes online, either alone or as a household, researching poverty issues in your area. Make a commitment to volunteer or donate more during the coming year to serve the poor as Stephen did. Perhaps spend an hour on this day going through your closets and drawers to find clothing you seldom wear, and donate it to a shelter.

3. Pick a card.

Another great way to keep the Christmas season alive is to gather up all the Christmas cards you’ve received and choose one at random each evening to read at dinnertime. If you live with family or a roommate, share some memories about the person who sent you the card. If you live alone, recall how you met the person and resolve to send an e-mail or make a phone call to reconnect in the coming week.

4. Make time for family.

The Sunday after Christmas-this year, December 27-is the feast of the Holy Family. Plan to spend the entire day with family-including extended family if possible. If you like to cook, plan for a festive brunch after Mass. Or make reservations and let your favorite restaurant do all the work. During the meal, share stories of your favorite times together.

If you live alone or if you don’t live in a traditional household, be creative about gathering today with those who are family to you. Invite some friends for dinner, or phone someone who you haven’t talked to in a long time.

5. Bridge the gap.

December 27 is the feast of St. John the Evangelist, though he gets bumped by the Holy Family this year. It is a day of reconciliation in Eastern European churches. In 1983 it was the day Pope John Paul II reconciled with the man who tried to assassinate him.

Take the opportunity during these Christmas days to reach out to an estranged friend or family member. If it is too big a step to call or send an e-mail right now, at least take a moment ask St. John to pray for your reconciliation.

6. Examine your conscience.

On December 29 we celebrate the feast of St. Thomas Becket. After Thomas became the archbishop of Canterbury in 1162, he had to struggle with spiritual and political decisions that affected the role of the church in England. He did not always choose wisely, sometimes giving in to the powerful influence of King Henry II. But in the end he picked the right path, taking a stand for justice, and it cost him his life.

Today is a good day to examine our own lives and resolve to do more to overcome injustice in the world. We can begin with ourselves. Where have we been unjust? When have we used our influence or authority solely for our benefit?

Take some time today to write or e-mail your congressional representative about an issue of injustice that needs to be corrected. See and usccb.org/sdwp/takeaction.shtml and congress.org for ideas.

7. Count your blessings.

December 31 is the feast of St. Sylvester I, who, along with Pope John Paul II, is one of the 10 longest-reigning popes (January 31, 314 to December 31, 335). Not much is known about St. Sylvester, but there are stories about him giving hospitality to Christians who would travel through Rome. Like Jesus, he would wash their feet and serve them at the dinner table.

One way to mark the end of the year is to have a dinner party or at least a special family dinner. Ask everyone to bring something to the party or dinner that symbolizes a blessing received from God in the last year. Place them all under the Christmas tree, and, just before midnight, ask everyone to describe their blessing.

8. Ring in the New Year.

Besides being New Year’s Day, January 1 is also the solemnity of Mary, Mother of God. Years ago many Catholic households, especially German Catholics, used to pray the rosary as a family after dinner. That custom has mostly faded, but the feast of the Mother of God is a good opportunity to revive the practice for a day. If you need a refresher on how to pray the rosary, go to tinyurl.com/praytherosary.

9. Say, “I love you.”

On January 2, we celebrate the feast of St. Basil the Great and St. Gregory Nazianzen. These are two great fourth-century Eastern saints who did a lot of serious thinking and teaching about the Trinity. As young men they studied together in Athens where their friendship grew into a lifelong brotherly love.

Spend some time this day with your closest friends, and be sure to let them know how much they mean to you.

10. Claim your name.

In his Letter to the Philippians, St. Paul says that God bestowed on Jesus “the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bend, of those in heaven and on earth and under the earth” (2:10).

January 3 is the day we take that message to heart: the feast of the Holy Name of Jesus. Names have great power, and Orthodox Jews are forbidden to even say God’s name. When St. Paul, a good Jew, says Jesus’ name is above every other, he is equating Jesus’ name with God’s name.

Just as Jesus’ name is holy, so is ours. The Catechism of the Catholic Church says, “Everyone’s name is sacred. The name is the icon of the person. It demands respect as a sign of the dignity of the one who bears it.”

Find out from your parents (if you can) why they chose your name and what it means.

11. Clean house.

In the United States, Epiphany is celebrated on the Sunday between January 2 and 8. In 2010 Epiphany falls on January 3.

The arrival of the Magi to honor Jesus is not the only tradition associated with this day. Another ancient Epiphany practice is to bless our homes by marking the entrance to the house with chalk. To bless your home, grab a piece of chalk, gather everyone outside the front door, and offer this prayer:

Leader: “Let us bless our home and pray that all will be welcome here. Let this door be an entry for the blessings of God. Let this door be a gateway of God’s blessings to the world.”

Members of the household take turns inscribing “20 + C + M + B 10″ over the top of the door. C, M, and B are the initials of the traditional names for the Magi: Caspar, Melchior, and Balthasar.

Leader: “Christ taught us to call upon the Father, and so we pray: Our Father . . .”

12. Remember your “birthday.”

Before the Second Vatican Council, the Baptism of Jesus was celebrated on Epiphany. The church leaders who revised the liturgical calendar after the council decided to create a separate feast day focused solely on Christ’s Baptism. In doing so, they wanted to emphasize three truths of faith:

1. At the moment of his Baptism, we come to know Jesus is the Son of God.

2. We also come to know him as the Messiah at his Baptism, which is symbolized in the gospels by the descent of the dove-an anointing in the Holy Spirit.

3. Through his Baptism, which was not required of Jesus, Jesus affirms his complete solidarity with all of us fallible human beings who do require the saving waters of grace.

Plan to spend some time today telling stories about family Baptisms. If you live alone, call your parents or godparents and ask them to tell you what your Baptism was like.

Nick Wagner is the editor of Today’s Parish magazine and the author of The Way of Faith: A Field Guide for the RCIA Process (Twenty-Third Publications). His website is TeamRCIA.com. This article appeared in the December 2009 issue (Vol. 74, No. 12, pg. 17) of U.S. Catholic magazine.

 At Home with Our Faith is Claretian Publications’ print newsletter for parents on nurturing spirituality in the home. Winner of the 2010 and 2011 General Excellence award from the Catholic Press Association. Here’s a sample issue.

We offer very low rates for parish use, as well as our free Moms’ Night Out monthly discussion guides.

And don’t miss our popular single-page parish handouts on handing on the faith, helping kids understand the Mass, Lent, and Advent.

Follow Homefaith on Twitter.

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For ten minutes they talked about how hard it was sometimes to be a little brother, Liam’s eyes never leaving his uncle’s face. When they were done, Liam was himself again and ran out to play with his brother. Had I handled the situation, I would have focused on the problem—was the game fair or not? Drew saw beyond the immediate issue and realized that in the ongoing score Liam was keeping in his mind, he was never a winner.

Over the holidays most families will spend at least some time with their extended families. While some of us have an aunt or uncle who can understand us in a way that others cannot, difficult family relationships are just as common.

For many people relationships with extended family members can be the most challenging part of living the gospel command to love our neighbor. Baggage from childhood or past hurts from in-laws can make extended family gatherings emotionally charged events. Yet when Jesus instructed his followers to love one another, he took into account difficult relationships, too. “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you…. If you love those who love you, what credit can you expect?” (Luke 6: 27, 33).

Most of us don’t have real enemies or even people who truly hate us. Instead we have broken relationships—the one-upping cousin, the mother-in-law who finds fault with everything, the uncle who never stops talking. In learning to love in the midst of even these difficult relationships we begin to discover what it means to be Christ-like.

Three reasons to look for the best in your extended family this holiday season:

Your attitude can set the tone. For most families, ongoing squabbles tend to be about power and control. One family member’s choice to move beyond this habit toward a vantage point of appreciation can change the entire dynamic of a family. The Catechism of the Catholic Church points out the special gratitude we owe to those who gave us the gift of faith, which usually includes our extended family.

Kids need more than just Mom and Dad. Much as we’d like to believe we can be all things to our children, we are limited. Children are more secure and confident when they grow up within a circle of adults they know and can trust. A 2002 study by the AARP showed that between 60 and 80 percent of grandparents spoke with their grandchildren about important topics such as values, spirituality, and school. The same study showed that about a third of grandparents believed their grandchild would come to them if she needed to talk about alcohol or drugs. Helping children foster relationships with extended family members when they’re young weaves a safety net for them as they grow.

Oh, that’s how to be a sister. Children currently in a tumultuous relationship with a sibling or parent need to see what a healthy relationship looks like. Watching his father have an affable conversation with his grandfather will plant a seed in a young boy’s mind that this is what he needs to grow into with his own father. Children in families where the adults bicker as much as the children are at risk for thinking that conflict is the norm.

—by Annemarie Scobey  from the pages of At Home with Our Faith, Claretian Publications’ print newsletter for parents on nurturing spirituality in the home. Winner of the 2010 and 2011 General Excellence award from the Catholic Press Association. Here’s a sample issue.

We offer very low rates for parish use, as well as our free Moms’ Night Out monthly discussion guides.

And don’t miss our popular single-page parish handouts on handing on the faith, helping kids understand the Mass, Lent, and Advent.

Follow Homefaith on Twitter.

My friend takes her adolescent daughter and her classmate, Susie, out to breakfast after they served at early Mass one Sunday. Susie slumps throughout the meal, head down, hair drooping over her face. “Wow, she’s so shy,” thinks my friend. Finally she realizes the girl has been texting all during breakfast.

At a Cubs-Brewers game in Milwaukee, we sit next to a dad, mom, and their son, about 10, Brewers fans. The boy barely looks at the ballgame, riveted to the video games on his dad’s cell phone. A jovial Cub fan nearby says, “Hey kid, did you know there’s a game going on here? I’m sorry you’re cheering for the wrong team, but still!” The kid smiles and returns to the phone; four innings later the dad finally takes it away. The child begs, pouts, glares. Finally in the 8th inning of a fairly close game, they climb over us to leave. The dad snarls at his son, “We’re leaving because you can’t even watch a baseball game!” Helping a child appreciate baseball requires considerable parental time, creativity, and patience, none in evidence here.

Jo Frost, of TV’s Supernanny, critiques one set of parents on their nonstop cell phone use. She locks everyone’s phones in a large glass jar for two days where the desperate, phoneless family members can see them tantalizingly lighting up and ringing, with no way to answer them.

My 30-something niece recalls the relief of leaving high school, going home, and tuning out of overwrought teen goings-on for the evening, saying, “I don’t know how kids stand having to be on call to their friends 24/7 for text messages—all that drama with no escape!”

A communications professor tells the New York Times that heavy technology use “diminishes empathy by limiting how much people engage with one another, even in the same room. ‘The way we become more human is by paying attention to each other,’ he said. ‘It shows how much you care…A significant fraction of people’s experiences are now fragmented.’”

“Family members can each watch their own movie in separate rooms—at the same time!” blares a radio ad. Not a good thing. Kids listening to their iPods during every car ride with you? Not a good thing. Technology is seductive. A text message from a school friend is a lot more enticing than listening to your kid sister and your mom and dad at the dinner table. But which will better shape our kids into the people God wants them to be?

Family author Tom McGrath asks how we can tell kids about the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist when “real presence” in the family is increasingly scarce, with each person on their own device. Something to consider when buying gifts for kids, and in the limits we set on the use of any tech gift. “Is there anyone among you,” asks Jesus, “who, if your child asks for bread, will give a stone?” (Matt. 7:9-11) How will the gift affect our all-too-brief years together as a family under one roof? And how do we give the gift of real presence to each other this Christmas?

—by Catherine O’Connell-Cahill from the pages of At Home with Our Faith, Claretian Publications’ print newsletter for parents on nurturing spirituality in the home. Winner of the 2010 and 2011 General Excellence award from the Catholic Press Association. Here’s a sample issue.

We offer very low rates for parish use, as well as our free Moms’ Night Out monthly discussion guides.

And don’t miss our popular single-page parish handouts on handing on the faith, helping kids understand the Mass, Lent, and Advent.

Follow Homefaith on Twitter.

When my kids were still little, just around the time they had started to walk and talk, we began our Advent tradition. Each evening we’d send the kids off to their bedrooms, then silently stroll through the house, turning off each and every light, eliminating anything that could steal away their attention.

We’d light candles of various sizes, colors, and brightness throughout our living room, placed at different heights on tables, shelves and the mantle. (With each successive week of Advent, we’d light more candles until the room became literally bathed in candlelight by Christmas Eve.) I’d then go to my kids’ bedrooms, carrying only a single candle. I’d knock—making sure they had also turned off the lights in their room—and enter, the candlelight flickering before me.

I’d ask the kids what time of year it was, and if they’d like to come with me tonight, to watch and wait for Jesus. They’d walk quietly, all smiles, blankets and stuffed animals in tow, to our living room, lit now by candlelight. Together we’d light the appropriate candles on our Advent wreath, employing a little booklet for prayers and reflection. (As the kids grew older, we’d rotate in new booklets with age-appropriate reflections.)

Following the Advent wreath, we’d read a Christmas-themed book together, snuggling into one another on our couch. We’d end with a trip over to where the Advent calendar was displayed, removing this day’s little cardboard book from the calendar and reading aloud one small segment of the Christmas story—by Christmas Eve, we had read the entire story together.

We’d sing a verse from Silent Night, Away in a Manger, O Come All Ye Faithful, or another favorite Christmas carol. The evening would end with the blowing out of all of the candles (perhaps my children’s favorite part of the whole evening!), saving one to provide just enough light to lead the kids back to their rooms, kiss them good night, and tuck them in.

What I have always cherished about this nightly ritual was how it cultivated a sense of quiet, a sense of peace in our household, and drew us all together by the low-tech simplicity of it all. It made our home a warm and loving place. By the time we would finish, and the kids would be tucked away in their beds, the silence throughout our home would have become the best kind of silence inside of me as well—a serenity I so rarely experience, and a kindness, a tenderness toward all of life. I hope it has done the same for my children.

Guest Blogger Johnny Zokovitch is the program director for Pax Christi USA. Reprinted with permission from uscatholic.org

At Home with Our Faith is Claretian Publications’ print newsletter for parents on nurturing spirituality in the home. Winner of the 2010 and 2011 General Excellence award from the Catholic Press Association. Here’s a sample issue.

We offer very low rates for parish use, as well as our free Moms’ Night Out monthly discussion guides.

And don’t miss our popular single-page parish handouts on handing on the faith, helping kids understand the Mass, Lent, and Advent.

Follow Homefaith on Twitter.

It’s not that what we were doing was so bad; it just wasn’t especially holy. We live in a neighborhood with many Orthodox Jewish families, and Bill and I noted that even as we struggled to give our Sabbath any time at all, they were managing to set aside sundown Friday through sundown Saturday for their Sabbath each week.

In his book Sabbath (Thomas Nelson) Dan Allender makes a case for Christians to keep the Sabbath holy. He defines “holy” as “set aside” and writes, “Sabbath is the day we practice for eternity. It requires that we receive, intend, and protect the day. The bind is that if we let the day happen spontaneously, it will usually dissolve into the route of least resistance.”

As Bill and I planned what we wanted our Sabbaths to be, we held onto to Allender’s assertion of Sabbath: “Sabbath is about relationship, nature, and beauty.”

Allender aims high with his Sabbath plans: “The Sabbath calls us to receive and to create with God the delight he gives and invites us to orchestrate for his glory. It requires surrender and imagination.”

For us, the surrender involves letting go of the thousand things we “should” be doing in order to join in the delight that God offers. The imagination comes in finding simple, mostly outdoor activities with elements that can be enjoyed by the whole family.

We’ve been keeping our Sabbaths for more than a year now, and it’s been one of our best family decisions. We’ve seen miles of Wisconsin’s Ice Age Trail and have visited every state park within an hour of our house. Much of our Sabbath involves hiking. Often two members of the family pair up for a discussion on the path—conversations that likely would not have happened otherwise. Arguing among kids is kept to a minimum because everyone is moving, and everyone has plenty of space. We have found that Allender is correct in how nature and beauty connect us to God.

Like all spiritual practices, our family’s keeping of the Sabbath has ebbed and flowed. We were terrible about keeping it last spring, but we seem to do especially well during autumn and winter. Liam’s favorite Sabbath was a horse-drawn sleigh ride last January. This past autumn Jacob and our foster daughter T appreciated any Sabbath outing that included a sand volleyball court. Seven-year-old Jamie soaks up the attention she gets from her older brothers when they are pulled from their iPods and computers. And Bill and I find it refreshing and renewing to be away from the house.

Sundays in Advent provide a great jumping-off point for families seeking to develop meaningful Sabbaths. Some ideas:

First Sunday of Advent: Choose a state park or another beautiful spot within 45 minutes of your home and go on a winter hike. Bundle up and bring some hot cocoa; you’ll likely have the park almost to yourself. Spend time talking about what some of your family’s favorite Advent or Christmas traditions are, or what you’d like to do. (Last year on our family hike, we learned Liam’s goal was to actually roast chestnuts on an open fire before Christmas.)

Second Sunday of Advent: After dinner, grab your flashlights and go for a family walk in your neighborhood. Admire the lights and decorations and talk about how your neighbors are gifts to you. Come back for a family game night together or time to relax around the fire.

Third Sunday of Advent: Set aside a full afternoon or evening to decorate the tree. Set the mood with flickering candles and religious Christmas music (play Pandora.com if you don’t have much non-secular music). Reminisce about how you acquired different ornaments. When a child finds an ornament they made in an earlier grade, encourage him or her to share a memory of that grade.

Fourth Sunday of Advent: Find a Christmas-themed play, movie, or musical event in your community and go as a family. Follow it with dinner together and the lighting of the final Advent candle.

I still marvel at our Jewish neighbors and their 24-hour commitment to the Sabbath. Our family Sabbaths are not even full days yet—they are more like Sabbath afternoons. But Sabbath for us has grown to mean so much more than a morning at church. We protect the day as much as we are able, and try not to beat ourselves up when we fall short. Through our Sabbaths, we have found Allender’s words to be true: “Delight doesn’t require a journey thousands of miles away, but it does require a separation from the mundane, an intentional choice to enter joy and follow God.”

—by Annemarie Scobey  from the pages of At Home with Our Faith, Claretian Publications’ print newsletter for parents on nurturing spirituality in the home. Winner of the 2010 and 2011 General Excellence award from the Catholic Press Association. Here’s a sample issue.

We offer very low rates for parish use, as well as our free Moms’ Night Out monthly discussion guides.

And don’t miss our popular single-page parish handouts on handing on the faith, helping kids understand the Mass, Lent, and Advent.

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