When your spouse is suffering

couple in trouble  RGB mhGwPtWWhether it’s a diagnosis of serious illness, a car accident, or job loss, every marriage will eventually include suffering. While moonlit walks on the beach are undoubtedly a more enjoyable way to build closeness with your spouse, suffering has equal or greater potential to bring spouses together. “How you suffer matters greatly; suffering can drive you apart or it can draw you together,” says Mary Jo Pedersen in For Better, For Worse, For God (Loyola). When pain and difficulty make their presence known in your family, enter into the pain together.

Do not flee. Denial is helpful for a very short period of time to keep functionality in the face of immediate crisis. Once the initial shock of the circumstance is over, though, don’t use extended work hours or busyness as a substitute for talking about the problem with your spouse. Pretending everything is normal when it is not leads to a build-up of anger and sometimes depression. Continue reading